“Tupperware, Rollerskates and a whole lot of WTF.”

In 2010, I created a D&D character known as E’kai Komataree, a 4th Edition Dragonborn Paladin-then Warlord-then Hybrid Warlord/Paladin for a homebrew campaign.
What follows is E’kai’s personal journal which was originally started as a recap of the previous play session (we were only playing once a month), but then transitioned into a way for me to expand her character.

Our group of adventurers find a gate to another world and artifacts that bring forth memories of past lives…Destinies that have yet to be fulfilled.


I groaned and rolled on to my back, and stared up at the ceiling. The rooster crowing outside the window had about 2 seconds to shut up or else it was going to be stuffed and served as an amuse bouche.

I sat up stiffly. Damnit, I’d forgotten to remove and clean my armor last night. Splug sat in his corner, sniggering. One look from me had his jaw clicked shut. I stood up with minimal difficulty and attempted to pry off my breastplate. My claws could find no purchase beneath the metal, they slid off of it, the metal refusing to give. I frowned and tried at my left elbow, with the same lack of result. I peered at my cuffs and could see no joints – where two pieces had previously joined was now one smooth piece. I thought furiously for a moment and then tried removing my chest piece again. Where my claws had previously succeeded, they now epically failed. I stopped with a huff and realized I was panting. What had that idiot done to it last night?! It occurred to me that perhaps a tool of some sort would be able to release me. Maybe Corrina…
Oh HELL no. I would not even finish the thought. She would get entirely too much pleasure…

I huffed in frustration. I’d deal with this later. Certain needs were not yet…pressing, and I was just too bloody tired and frustrated to do anything at the moment. I made my way downstairs, refilled my travel rations and purchased a similar pack for Splug, for him to keep whatever in. As I stepped outside, the rooster opened his beak to crow once again. A piercing glare from me had the noise dying between his beak.

As I made the short trip to the stables, I noticed Wrinkle’s tent was gone, his space now occupied by a vendor who claimed to sell ancient magical “Tupperware”. The vendor called after me, claiming it was found some place called The Dead Sea. Dragonborn have no need of this “Tupperware”, dead or otherwise.

I saddled my horse and by the time I was I finished, the others had trickled out to the stables and were readying their own horses. We rode out within the hour, with no further delay.

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Upon reaching the Keep, we observed no trouble as we passed through the areas we’d previously cleared. Returning to the mysterious area where we’d foubd Kkestral, we carefully skirted around the floor runes, which E’ee assured us were teleporters of some kind. Reaching the end of the room, we opened a pair of double stone doors and filed down the revealed flight of stairs.

The fight we next engaged in can be summed up in the following statement:
Fucking multi-legged insects on roller skates. That can jump across a room with a single leap.
Stupid thingy. With stupid legs. On stupid roller skates.

Through out the entire fight, I felt as though my strength was being sapped away. As though I’d gotten no rest the previous night, even though I had slept soundly. Whatever the Elder had done the night before clearly was not up to snuff yet, and the fight was a closer call then I was going to admit to any of the others. I’d actually had to get my claws bloodied at the end of it.

And, as if that wasn’t enough to suffer through, *someone* who is blue and shall remain nameless managed to break the ONE artifact in this whole joint that appears to have the ability to stop time. AND I STILL CANNOT GET THIS STUPID ARMOR OFF.

I swear, if I ever see that crusty old man again…

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Six. Damn. Hours.
I really have to pee.