Heeeeeey look, it’s Tuesday. That means I should be writing one of these blog type things, as I just remembered while lying on the floor next to Meret, who has taken up residence on a floor heat register. She looked cute, so I decided to join her – and then hopped back up as memory struck me about today’s entry.
I’m clearly struggling to keep a schedule – something I’m not very used to and have mostly been without since the end of October. Feels odd.
These last few months, time feels as though it has slowed to a crawl. I’m very conscious of each passing day (more so than usual, I never really understood the “I can’t believe it’s already insert_month_here…”), and stress and Meret are my only two constant companions. At least one of the two has started that she will occasionally curl up under the blankets with me, instead of hanging out around my feet all night. I think she’s finding BC a little cold at night, heh. You would think that being a black cat she’d retain heat. Oh well, I’m definitely benfitting from the extra snuggles. Sometimes it feels like it’s the only thing that is keeping me together these days while I wait for something (ANYTHING) to happen.
I’m so far past where my previously established ‘limit’ was, the fumes are beyond gone. Each day has now become a lesson in patience and of keeping myself calm, lest I run mad and wild. (Although maybe that would be good for me, who knows.)
And while I appreciate life handing me a situation where I can reaffirm how strong my self is, I’m sooooo ready to start whatever is coming next. A few months ago, Peench and I laughed about how these types of situations are normally character building – but we also agreed that I really didn’t need any more character. Now I just need occupation, something to challenge me mentally and physically (other than adding another couple of hours of ballet on Sundays, which I get to do starting Dec 8. Can’t wait!)
A surprising factor in my journey of the last few months is that I’m in regular contact with my mom. This has never happened. Don’t get my wrong, I’m not saying that I’d be willing to attempt to live with her again (I may be nuts, but not THAT crazy), but having her support has been really great in the last few months if unexpected. I feel like she’s approaching me as an adult (finally), offering support instead of trying to parent. Unexpected, but much appreciated. Gives me hope for our future. She wants me to come home for the holidays, but I’m hesitant with things so uncertain here. I’ll have to make a decision fairly soon or else we won’t be able to get decently priced flights. I just don’t feel right leaving Meret again, since I was just gone. My mom surprised me with the suggestion that I actually *bring* her with me, and that we just keep her upstairs, but her upper floors are in flux with the renovations. So I don’t know. Can I just find a job and start to figure things out? I’m not a fan of being so uncertain all time.
My mom keeps reminding me that sometimes life and the universe needs to percolate a little. I’m trying my darnest to hold on to that, again to keep myself calm. We’ll see which breaks first – life/the universe, or my mind. At this point, I refuse to even place a bet.
At least I’ve made significant progress on my most recent cross stitch piece. I’d put it aside after PAX, and then couldn’t remember where I physically had stored it. Found it just in time to take it with me to WA, and while I was there, managed to make some in-roads with it. As well as introducing Kym’s daughter to the joys of cross stitch, as well as encouraging Kym to get back into it as well. Yay for introducing the next generation of stitchers to the art! Unintended mission complete – now to finish my current piece. Maybe by Christmas?