The Diary of a Dog & Cat:

 

 

 

DOG

 

7.00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

10:30 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

12:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

1:00 pm – OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

5:00 pm – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

7:00 pm – OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVORITE!

9:30 pm – OH BOY! SLEEPING ON MASTER’S BED! MY FAVORITE!

 

 

 

 

 

CAT

 

DAY 183 OF MY CAPTIVITY …

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal……… pricks.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild

satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors, by weaving around their feet while they were walking, almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs next time.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile bastards, I again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. (Note-to-self: I think I’ll try crapping under their bed, too. Wonder how long it’ll take them to find it?).

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. [#@!$]! Not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in

solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “ellergeez.” Must learn what the Hell this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He must obviously be a bloody half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, appears to have become an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is preserved.

But I can wait; it’s only a matter of time… the sonofabitch.