This started out as an edit to my post from Saturday nite. But since it got to be longer than the orginal post I decided to just move it to it’s own post…




Bless my father’s work for introducing me to that word years ago…such a handy thing…


At any rate, it is now apparent to me that there’s another very good reason for me to be like Morpheus. Or at least like this representation of him…Granted, since At the moment Quizilla is being stupid, a chunk of you have No idea what the picture is…So, picture this (oo, punning!) – a darkened room, the only light coming from the unblocked window…The Image’s text is as follows: “You’re like the Greed god Morpheus, of Dreams. Believing there is something bigger out there, and often lost in thoat. You’re imaginative, and smart – not always a leader, but usually the one who came up with the plan. You often ask What if…and long to get out of the darkness and through the window.”

Note to all, religious musings beginning hereafter:

This talk of moving out of darkness and into light is rather begining to be annoying. Well, only in the sense that I can’t seem to do it, no matter how many ways I try or in how many different words it is explained to me. No clue what I’m talking about? Let me explain. If you aren’t already aware, I’m pagan. See above for ramblings on that. What a large chunk of you are not aware of is that I’ve been attending psi classes this past term. Scary thing, I’m actually good. When I can get something to actually WORK. See, for what ever reason, be it I’m blocking myself, I’m not ready, I only have the Potential and won’t ever beable to follow through, I can only get soooo far before something tends to Smack me and say “What the Heck do you think YOU’RE trying to do? Sit right back down and start brooding because there’s no way in HELL you’re gonna get anywhere…”

Well, ok, I haven’t yet heard an actual Voice saying this to me (although it wouldn’t shock me one day if I did…) but you can kinda get the idea. I’ll be more than fine to start off an exercise, but with the exception of working with dowsing rods (I forgot to mention it at the time that I did them, but holy crap is THAT COOL!!! It Actually Works!! (insert random hyperbouncing here..)) and then just before getting to the good stuff, something will interrupt me (and i’m not talking something physical, like an arm twich and normally not the random thought, although that has happened) or distract me from what I’m doing and I’ll be right back at the beginning and I’m tired of it.

Some of my friends seem to think that whenever I do get to the point of “awakening” as we’ve started to call it, anyone around me who is sensitive to psi or anything remotely like it is gonna either feel like they’ve been slapped upside the head or something like that.

Apparently, I have alotta ability and power stored up in me. I just have no clue how to control it or half the time access it. These are often other people’s assesments of me, so who knows. I just know that it’s getting mighty frustrating.

But at this point, I do have to be realistic. I’ve only been doing a large chunk of this stuff, hell, MOST of this stuff serious since early Nov, and the psi stuff since late Jan. Most of the people taking my class (from the GPS at least, have being doing some of this stuff ever since they can remember, because they’ve had to for one reason or another…Ie, Sara found she Had to start throwing up sheields or else she’d get too much ‘reading’ off another person. Steve, being a developing medium, found the same thing, but in a different way, for a slightly different reason. Hence, they’ve been doing it fore years. Me? Never even OCCURED to me. And as many of you know, I’m Not the most paticent person…I like to see results, ie, the Dowsing rods…(again I say, thoes things are COOL!!!!) which I immediatly knew Were working, cuz I had like a 97% sucess rate, without knowing what the Hell I was doing. Which is how I seem to do most things now…

Again, I state the annoyance I get from this.

Another thing that just occured to me, in regards to the sheilds, is that because of the performers need to connect to the audience, that I’d not have ever considered putting something between me and another person…Granted, there is the idea of the ‘forth’ wall being a shield, but that really doesn’t work when you have an aside, break character and speak directly to the audience…A performer is Always aware of the audience, and tries to find the best way to direct the performance to get the best results from that audience….it’s why a production is never exactly the same each nite. Not only does the audience change, so must the performer to fit that audience…with that in mind, and with my personality/habit of always trying to entertain people in mind, it becomes a little clearer to me why I’d not have ever considered the idea before this time – it’s about as alien to me to try and do this as it is to become a nun, or even worse, an aerospace engineer. (insert shudders)


At any rate, I guess I’ll just have to continue on plodding ahead, reading whenever I get the chance until summer’s come and then forging ahead until I get ‘it’. If I ever do.

I Hate not knowing how to handle/access/do what I want….