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This one’s prompting me to reply to it. I find it…Interesting that it talks about looking out a window and wanting to leave darkness. Yeah, I get that it’s a very general statement, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. I have spent the larger portion of my life ‘morphing’ in and out of characters, in and out of sets/productions/etc and it’s strange (or maybe just a hazard of the business) but I often find myself hiding behind past character’s masks, wanting to shuck them off, but finding it more than safe hiding behind them, keeping it between me and the world…And I don’t think that’s necessarily a Good thing but I also think I don’t know of any other way. The bit about the one who often comes up with the plans…that just made me laugh. Proof of my ability to make ‘excuitive decisions’….Mary, you’ll probably be the only one who actually Gets that reference…but back to my indepth introspection into this silly quiz result…
I Have spent a lot of time in thought this year. Hard not too when you don’t start making friends until 3/4th into the first term and even then they’re these weird pagans, who you aren’t Entirly sure you Really want to be around because gods are You Really That Weird as well?! But you also can’t seem to stay away, so you keep going and damnit, it’s what you believe and it just feels right…Not that you’re going to let Anyone in your res know about That little fact right away. One might be and live for dramatics, but one is NOT stupid. Get taught that Real well in BSS. You can be different, but don’t you Dare try to stick up for that too soon, you’ll get asked to leave. Ah well, I stuck that out. And on to better things right?
So as exams draw really close and I start trying to work up the balance and peace I’m going to need to keep sane around my mother for another year (who the HELL AM I TRYING TO KID PEOPLE?) Attention draws to what I’ll be Doing during that time.
What my plan says:
Get part-time job for summer
Start dancing full-time again – interspersed with going to a gym. Yet to be decided upon.
Switch to full time job at summer’s end.
Switch to dancing part time.
Begin work on BSS musical. How ever that works out…
What reality will say:
Good fucking luck getting a job. Your resume is boring. You shouldn’t have worked for your parents for the last….10 odd years of your life. You didn’t do well enough in school to get any awards. Because of working for your parents companies, you aren’t elegable for any promotions on Kudos. Good Fucking Luck.
How are you planning on paying for the dancing? Remember how expensive that is? You’ll be lucky if you can get in shape and strengthened enough to even ATTEMPT your exam – WHICH YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE ALMOST THREE YEARS AGO.
Oh, and living with your mother…yeah, that went SO well in high school. It’ll go better even now while you try and sell your house and move into an even SMALLER area.
Just curling up and sleeping/crying/becoming invisible’s starting to sound really really really good again…